susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
