Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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