Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
