Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
