Buhtt sex?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
