Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
