and next time when you feel me up, do it right
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
