I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
