A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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