Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
