What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
