I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I didn't shave. On purpose
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
