The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
