I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
