also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I want to make a zoo with you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
