last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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