worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
