Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
