the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
