we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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