thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
