Your face is a jimmy john
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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