Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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