i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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