the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
