as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
