Whod you bang
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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