he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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