Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
