He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
