apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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