Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
