I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
