My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
