Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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