Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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