she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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