3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
