they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
