it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
