sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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