did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
