I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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