I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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