I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
