I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
