Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
