Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
