So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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