I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
