i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
