So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got inside last night via doggy door
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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