Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
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her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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