if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
