Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
