Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I believe in your delicious
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
