I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
