Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
