the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
