but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
