i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
