I just threw up on my dentist
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
