Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
