I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
