dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
