Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
