forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
