So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
