i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
