I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When are your genitals available?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
