wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
